Kinky Scribbles installment five! This writing exercise has been so immensely helpful to me as a tool to break past my anxieties as a writer.
I make notes about how long it took me to write and edit because I’m trying to recalibrate my sense of when something is “done enough” to share.
In the past I would write a thing and leave it in my files to collect dust because I was convinced it needed some unknowable quantity of edits, a goal with constantly shifting measures of success. When I limit myself to a scribble, the path becomes so much clearer. It’s been really good practice for me, so I’m going to keep it up for the foreseeable future.
And far more sincere thanks to my friend Dick, the Micro Giant, who let me roleplay this little comfort scene off and on today to work through these feelings.
Ten minutes. Just a scribble. Let go of whatever you think this needs to be, Elle. Just write.
(Ten minutes turned into an hour and a half of writing, with another half hour of edits. I never know if I should feel pleased at my accomplishment when this happens, or annoyed with my inability to keep my projects small. I do feel really good about this one, though.)
Kinky Scribbles: Body Pillow
(M/f, male Giant, female tiny, shrinking, cuddles, comfort) 1020 words, est. 1.5 hours of writing, 0.5 hours of editing
Round two of my Kinky Scribbles experiment to help me get words on the page and lower the stakes of writing.
I’m dealing with big feelings from my size dysmorphia today, so it’s the only thing I can think of to explore right now. For the record, I’m typing on my phone to make this quick, and as always it’s very surreal. Somehow it’s not as bad as typing on the computer, though, so that’s something.
All right. Ten minutes, no pressure, no plan. Let’s see what happens.
I have had the good luck to end up with a writing coach for the month of January, and she’s helping me figure out ways to lower the stakes of writing more often, both for erotica and for my mainstream projects.
Step one is to attempt what I’m calling “writing scribbles” that will be quick, short, relatively unplanned, and can have only one round of edits before sharing with the world.
This is basically what I achieved many times over with Tumblr’s format, and what I’ve been avoiding with my shiny personal website for the last year. As if I went from a commuter train full of conversations with friends and acquaintances I see regularly, to a personal vehicle where I make all the decisions of where to go, and I do it alone, and have to roll down the window or deliberately invite people inside to talk to them. It’s clunky, lonely, and it feels like the stakes are higher (silly ideas about identity, success, connection) if I decide to go in the wrong direction or say the wrong thing.
Fuck the wrong thing. Nothing is wrong–it’s either unethical, painful, uncomfortable, or various shades of awkward. I might regret a thing, but who cares? It’s on my website, and I’m in control of whether or not it continues to see the light of day. I’m going to take the steps to make sure it’s as ethical as I can make it, by offering tags and informed consent and giving credit to other writers and artists. As for pain, that can heal. Discomfort and awkwardness are also hallmarks of change and growth. Nobody ever made progress or created something wonderful by staying 100% comfortable.
Scribbles can be drawing, writing, any kind of creative art. The point is that it has to be quick, simple, and low-stakes.
At this point in my process, I’m not allowed to turn it into a big thing or make extra work for myself with extra ideas. I’m not adding it to my mainstream works. I’m sticking to kinky content only, because it’s the one kind of writing that brings me the most joy and escapism right now. And also because it’s a way to keep my scope small.
Ironically for someone with size dysmorphia, I have no idea how to keep my ideas and goals small.
I know how to “go big or go home” in other parts of my life, but over the years I’ve let it become too overwhelming with writing because I get cloudy with assumptions of what it means to be a writer and what it means to be “enough.” (Fuck you very much, Impostor Syndrome.) Even discussing the scribbles concept with the coach and how to fit 10 minutes into my schedule a week, I quickly morphed the discussion into how I could carve out 30 minutes a day, every day. When she pointed that out and reminded me that I am already enough regardless of how many minutes I can or can’t put into my schedule right now, I burst into tears.
Fuck going big all the time, fuck that overachiever mindset that’s burned me out so many times. Fuck the toxic productivity culture of never believing I’m enough.
I want to learn how to go small. I’m a sizeshifter, damnit. This is a skill I can develop, just like any other. I just need to find a way to show up and do the work without self-sabotaging all my efforts with last-minute deadline scrambles and other misguided attempts at staying comfortably far away from risk and failure.
“A surreal, impressionistic treat. ‘Leave the smallness’ is my favorite line. Very evocative smut-language. Memorable giant cock. The submissive narrator voice is both relatable and vivid. This payday was earned.”
I’m proud to share “Trick, Treat,” my entry for the Cocktober 2019 SizeRiot Erotica Contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts. I’m also proud to share that there’s a secret trick to this story! See if you can guess what it is, and check the link at the end to find out.
I appreciate the feedback I received for this story. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.
The story placed in five of the seven categories:
“Grabbed Attention from the Start” – tied for 1st place
“Surprised by Interpretation of Theme” – 2nd place
“Most Arousing” – tied for 3rd
“Challenged You” – tied for 2nd
“Best Represented Cocktober Theme” – 3rd place
What did people enjoy most about this story? Here’s what the readers had to say:
“Fantastic mastery of language. Big fucking, growing giants. Nice touch. “Leviathan cock.” Beautiful. You are a mouth… Beautiful metaphor. Nice work. One of my top three favs.”
“Felt unique, I like this approach as it gave readers something a bit different.”
“Trippy and novel. Definitely a story that I’d read more of.”
“Translated almost directly into images in the mind; lots of beautiful language used to describe terrible destruction.”
“Awesome story from beginning to end filled with a tense energy.”
“A signature storyteller at heart here.”
Ready for more? You have two options to enjoy:
AUDIO VERSION: Listen to a 20-minute author-read version of the story here.
Thanks to Dick, The Micro Giant, for Audio Engineering this piece! Please give him a follow on Twitter, as I wouldn’t be able to do this without his expertise.
“It’s magic,” Irena whispered. She, too, ran a finger down Mora’s tiny body and the tiny woman felt more beautiful under their shared gaze than she had in years. She felt strangely powerful, in spite of her size… She felt drunk on the feeling, as if the rational part of her were willingly taking a back seat to the glorious rush of pleasure and power.
“And so, shrunk down, strapped to a tiny dildo, little more than decoration for a party she should have been hosting, Mora shuddered and spasmed and cried out with her first orgasm of the day.”
Hello, my lovelies! One of my goals for the new year is to share more imperfect writing, so today I’m sharing a Winter Solstice gift: a 10K word sizeplay story featuring lesbian sex at a holiday party, succubus magic, shrinking, objectification, mind control, humiliation, dubcon, unaware, scissoring, mouthplay, insertion, and more.
🎵it’s the most wonderful time of the year🎵
(because I can trance you to think you’re holiday decor and have you loop thrusting yourself on a dildo like the most nsfw and prettiest ornament on my tree❤️💚❤️💚)
I wrote it in one marathon writing session, and I’m deliberately giving it to you after only two hours of editing today. Why? Because stories that collect digital dust in my files don’t bring pleasure to anyone. Editing is good, but editing as a way to postpone being vulnerable is not serving my goals as a writer. I have to learn that it’s better to let them go before I’m completely satisfied. (I’ll never be completely satisfied.) In an effort to re-calibrate my sense of “this is good enough to release into the wild,” I’m going to share more content with deliberately fewer rounds of editing. I’m tired of holding back, so I’m going to let myself be imperfect. It seems like the only way forward.
One other thing holding me back is that I know I will need content for Kindle once I begin publishing. I write a story and stare at it, deliberating. Should I post it to my website and share it for free? Should I hold onto it and polish it more and publish it on Kindle? Or is it possible that maybe, just maybe, these questions are keeping me frozen in place, not sharing content or moving closer to my goal of publication?
This story is a little messy. It’s a little dark, because I was in a dark place when I wrote it, and all I wanted was to be owned and objectified and to lose myself in pleasing someone else. There were parts I considered cutting, parts I think need more polish and clarity.
But you know what? Sex is messy, too. I have never had a single experience of perfect sex, and if I had waited for perfection I would have missed so many wonderful, beautiful, intense moments of intimacy and connection with real, genuine, messy, and sexy people. I would never have had any sex at all, and sex is one of my favorite pastimes! So. Fuck perfection. Have some free erotica.
“Being lost in the folds of a submissive woman’s labia, her domme lover not believing any part of this ‘shrinking friend’ story. Then the discipline starts. Hot damn, that’s hot.”
I’m proud to share “The Therapist Will See You Now,” my entry for the Cruel January 2019 SizeRiot Erotica Contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts. The story tied for second place in the “Most Arousing” category.
I appreciate the feedback I received for this story, which was not as cruel as I originally intended to make it. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.
What did people enjoy most about this story? Here’s what the readers had to say:
A story that manages to be playful, in-your-face, and casual in its sexiness.
Being lost in the folds of a submissive woman’s labia, her domme lover not believing any part of this “shrinking friend” story. Then the discipline starts. Hot damn, that’s hot.
A domme using a strap-on on your girlfriend while you’re trapped at ground zero? Speaks for itself.
The entire setup was just so sexy. I loved the unaware aspect. The desperate shrinking. Really well done.
Best Main Character:
Dr. Rodriguez was well-developed. Her smallest reactions spoke volumes about her personality, which was both intimidating and attractive. I would love to see more of her in action.
Dr. Rodriguez had such a strong and commanding personality. Very good and dominant.
Interesting Size Difference:
it was a great use of unaware and micro scenarios. The dominant giantess was not even aware of the tiny, nor would she seem to care if she knew. The tiny was truly insignificant to the others.
The characters were dynamic. It was sexy. The set up was unique.
More by This Author:
Such a strong solid take on extreme sizes with immediately grabbing and developed characters.
If I could commission an image to be made from a single scene from any of the stories in this entire contest, it would be the silhouette of Mark looking out from Beth’s labia up at the smirking scrutiny of Dr. Rodriguez.
You get the specialest of props for incorporating actual BDSM themes into size works, extra special for combining them with a tight cast of extremely colorful interesting characters. Also, hot giga epic cruelty. A+.
Ready for more? I added 600+ words back into the story after submission. You have two options to enjoy:
AUDIO VERSION: Listen to a 20-minute author-read version of the story here. Thanks to Dick, The Micro Giant, for Audio Engineering this piece.
I’ve never received such overwhelmingly positive feedback for a story, and I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it. There seems to be genuine interest in more stories with these characters, so I plan to continue it as a series!
Would you be surprised to know that I nearly didn’t submit it? It’s been a hard few months (work stress, the Kavanaugh hearings, my family’s home flooding in Texas) and I didn’t feel it was my best work. I worried it wasn’t explicitly sexy enough, especially when folks who have followed my blog in the last couple of years know I’m capable of so much more.
I’m glad I took the risk and shared it, anyway. In the interest of cataloging evidence for the next time my Impostor Syndrome tries to talk me out of being creative…
My story placed in the following categories:
Best Fulfilled the ‘Big Couples’ Theme – Tied for First Place Hooked Immediately – Tied for First Place Characters to Care About – Tied for First Place Engaging Writing Style – Second Place Surprising Interpretation of Theme – Tied for Second Place Recommended to Outsiders – Tied for Second Place Most Outré – Tied for Third Place
Submission for SizeRiot’s Writer’s October 2018 Erotica Contest
Content warnings: Themes include macrophilia/growth, Giant couples, public sex, ethical nonmonogamy, and natural disaster
AUDIO VERSION: Listen to a 14-minute author-read version of the story here.
Originally posted to Tumblr on November 25, 2018.
ADULT CONTENT WARNING
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