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Category: Artwork

Size Erotica: A Scarlet R

(This blog post and story include discussion and themes of noncon/rape, revenge, and humiliation.) 

 

I am fiercely proud of this story. I am proud of myself for writing it, and for being brave enough to post it. “A Scarlet R” is far darker than my usual stories, and helped me process some old pain and fury.

It has taken me a year and seven months to publish it because I told myself I wanted art for the story, and I recorded audio as well (that will be released at a later date), but in truth I just did not have it in me to face these demons again with all the struggle of the pandemic. I have compassion for myself on that, and I’m glad I was able to keep going by writing other stories, and by finding ways to better understand how sexuality works under stress.

I’m pleased to say that I’ve turned a corner in life stress for a number of reasons, and I feel ready to release this now. In more ways than one.

 

On the merits of anger

Once upon a time, when I was a college student and young witch going to parties at places like the one that inspired this story’s setting, I used to believe anger had no place in my life. Anger was terrifying, anger was destructive. And anger comes with a far higher social cost for women than for men.

In recent years, I have learned the hard way that anger denied can become depression—and that anger harnessed for a cause can also be vital fuel for change.

Anger is usually at least one of two things: a protection, or a protest. The fury I brought to bear on this story is rooted in both of those forces.

To quote Andrea Gibson:

Every feminist who has ever
taken the high road will tell you
the high road gets backed up
and sometimes you have to
take a detour directly through
the heart of uncensored rage.

 

Commissioned artwork

I am so very excited to release the artwork I commissioned from Hollewdz, a talented artist from the #SizeTwitter community who creates gorgeous sexy size play artwork. I know this is a departure from her usual themes, and I appreciate her understanding, attention to detail, and patience with me. Be sure to click into the images for larger versions!

A woman with blonde hair, grey eyes, and pale skin leans forward over a table while holding a red marker in her hand. On the table is a white canvas on an easel, where a tiny, nude man is taped to the surface. He has grey hair at the temples, pale skin, and his penis is flaccid. The woman is wearing a grey shirt and black pants. The canvas is blank. There is a black marker on the table and in the corners of the image are red brackets like it's being recorded.
Illustration credit to @Hollewdz. Do not repost without permission. Click to see full image. Commission the artist and support her on Patreon at https://twitter.com/hollewdz

 

A woman with blonde hair, grey eyes, and pale skin leans forward over a table while holding a red marker in her hand. On the table is a white canvas on an easel, where a tiny, nude man is taped to the surface. He has grey hair at the temples, pale skin, and his penis is flaccid. The woman is wearing a grey shirt and black pants. The canvas is covered in the words "pig, clown, piece of shit, freak, scum bag, asshole, fucker, cunt, bastard, sicko, creep, loser, idiot, misogynist, trash, and coward." There is a black marker on the table and in the corners of the image are red brackets like it's being recorded.
Illustration credit to @Hollewdz. Do not repost without permission. Click to see full image. Commission the artist and support her on Patreon at https://twitter.com/hollewdz

For the record, she worked quickly and efficiently and was done by last February, and the delay was due to my own struggles to revisit the intense themes of this story (plus the stress of the ice storm that shut down Texas that month). I’m excited to finally be able to share her amazing work! Please commission her the next time her comms are open, and support her on Patreon!

 

Feedback & community response

“A Scarlet R” placed in the following categories in the SizeRiot Cruel January 2020 contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts​:

  • “Had a striking opening line” – 1st place
  • “Got you wrapped up in threatening circumstances” –  3-way tie for 1st place
  • “Featured ‘humiliation’ the best” –  tied for 2nd place
  • “Featured ‘psychological cruelty’ the best”– 5th place

I appreciate the feedback I received for this story. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.

Here’s what the readers had to say:

“One of my favorite stories. I loved the Shakespeare touches, of course. It didn’t really feel like a cruel story, as I related to the female characters, and the righteousness of their actions.”

“A horrifying catharsis. Like avenging banshees… The group dynamic of women exacting justice was delicious.”

“The opening line is especially striking… Evocative, as brilliant as the eponymous scarlet. It’s the starting march to a cavalcade of righteous shaming… In terms of the cruelty themes, I have to say this was a knock out of the park in terms of “humiliation” and “psychological cruelty”… A very good reversal of power there, and one easy to enjoy vicariously.”

“Your language is so vivid and descriptive. This is a true example of poetic justice. That closing line was so powerful… Simply a fantastic story.”

“Holy shit. I’m shaking. I need a cigarette and I don’t smoke… I can’t say enough good things about this piece. I think of anything I’ve ever read in the sizeplay community, this is the highest art I’ve ever seen.”

 

Consent and Support for Survivors

Consent: Beyond the realm of fantasy, I do not condone sex acts without consent. Erotic fantasy play between two individuals in reality in person and online should always include negotiation, fully informed consent, and protections such as content tags, safewords, aftercare, and emergency planning. For more sex resources about safe kink and erotic fantasy play, I recommend The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, both by Dossie Eastman and Janet Hardy. A great resource for exploring consent is the Consent Wizard on Instagram, author of the article Should Enthusiasm Be a Requirement for Sex? 

Noncon fantasy: Nonconsensual fantasies are common among people of all genders, and if your body responds to these fantasies, you are not alone. Having fantasies where sex acts are forced on you or others does not mean you want to act on them in real life, or that you do not understand trauma or lack compassion for survivors of violence. It means your body responds to a fantasy, and you get to decide what you want to do with that information. We are not our thoughts, and we are not our fantasies. Some survivors find healing and liberation through exploration of noncon fantasies, and that’s okay. Some never want to interact with these themes again, and that’s okay too. As long as every real person involved in your fantasy play (such as you reading my story online) is a fully informed consenting adult, then the act you are participating in is inherently consensual. 

Seeking help: If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual harassment, trauma, abuse, or assault, I strongly suggest seeking advice and counseling from trained professionals. Some organizations that offer free resources are: RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) hotline at 800-656-HOPE; National Sexual Violence Resource Center to search for local help; Trans Lifeline Crisis Hotline by and for the transgender community at 877-565-8860; National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

 

Read the story

AUDIO VERSION: Coming soon, check back for a 20-minute author-read version

TEXT VERSION: Read the full story behind the cut.

 

Taking Up Space

Portrait of Elle Largesse by DTV_art
Portrait of Elle Largesse by the talented DTV_art, https://twitter.com/dtv_art

Last weekend I reached 700 followers as @mightytinygiant on Twitter, and have decided to celebrate by sharing two things that are important to me. After nearly half a year on hiatus to heal from depression, it’s good to be back. I’m grateful for all the support I’ve received and the messages urging me to take care of myself. The writer is worth more than what they write.

The first thing I’m thrilled to share is this gorgeous portrait of me by the talented and friendly DTV_art. I have admired her work for years, since I first laid eyes on her Tumblr treasure trove of lovely queer Giantess girlfriends and sizeshifter boyfriends and so many gorgeous Giant/tiny moments. Trust me, she is so incredibly skilled and talented and awesome and her work is queer-friendly and romantic AF. I am humbled by the way she took my photograph and translated me into my most femme-tastic witchy woman sizeshifter self. As of this writing, she is still open for commissions!

The second celebratory tidbit I’m sharing with you lovely folks today is one of my favorite pieces of writing, first shared on Tumblr, January 12, 2016. I was struggling then with depression and size dysmorphia, just like I have been this year. I have made huge strides this summer with therapy—thank the Gods for sex-positive, kink-positive, polyam-friendly therapy—and for insurance to help me afford it. More people should have access to that kind of healing.

That support has given me the hope I needed to delve into my feelings about my body and my writing. I’ve been revisiting what I love most about what I’ve written. I’ve been working on befriending my body and accepting that the way she feels large or small may actually be healthy for me, even if it’s not a thing people commonly feel. Commissioning a portrait of myself as a new avatar is part of that work, and I’m grateful for DTV working with me to get it right.

It’s okay to feel small. It’s okay to feel large. It’s okay to take up whatever space you need to take up, in this world. I need this reminder now, as much as I ever have. Maybe you do, too.

 

TAKING UP SPACE

Sometimes when you grow, you’re scared of ruining your clothes or destroying your favorite pair of shoes. Sometimes you’re just scared of how they constrict you, how a necklace could choke you or a beloved coat could trap you like a straight-jacket. But not always.

Sometimes when you grow, shredding through your layers of fabric and fashion feels better than breaking a chain with your bare hands. You’re no longer made for the world of thrift shop jeans or business casual blouses. You can stop worrying if it looks wrong. It belongs to the person you used to be when you still apologized for taking up space.

Small wonder, then, when you stretch your shoulders just to feel the seams tear. When you breathe deeply so the hooks on your bra unbend themselves, unable to hold the glory of your breasts as they grow in size, weight, and consequence. You roll your hips and savor the shredding sound of that pencil skirt you used to love, which has been too small for far too long. It slips to the ground like a memory, followed quickly by the remains of your panties. The lace surrendered by unknitting itself. It wasn’t up to the task of containing the beauty of your other massive assets.

Tearing through the leather on your high heels seems almost obscene, but deep down you offer it like a sacrifice. Your bare feet fill the ground with presence. The crown of your head lifts above the crowd where you walked alone in your smallness.

You feel your own beauty as you never have before. With awe and gratitude and no regrets. You see the world differently and know yourself fully as you grow in all directions, pushing outward, but especially upward.

You have every right to stand tall no matter your size. Breathe deeply in the body that bears your heart, and never apologize again.

 

ADULT CONTENT WARNING

This site includes content intended for adults only. Depending on your location, you must be at least 18 or 21 to enter. If you’re under 18 and are seeking sex positive resources, stop reading now and visit scarleteen.com.