This scribble took two hours to write over the course of four writing sprints with my partner pseudo_size. Thank you so much for all your support this month, pseudo! I appreciate you more than words can say.
I gave it one round of edits tonight. I suspect it could use more, but that’s not the point of a scribble, so I’m letting it go. That in itself is a damn victory!
A kinky scribble is a flash fiction exercise I developed to help me level up as a writer, to create stories and let them go. I envy artists who can scribble a sketch and share it unfinished into the wild for people to enjoy. This is my answer to that for writers. Feel free to join in yourself, and share with #KinkyScribble so others can find it. If you want to take the September challenge, use #SeptKinkyScribble.
Money is tight right now. I have multiple works of fiction in progress, ranging from wholesome to kinky as fuck. I’d like to continue releasing them here for free.
If you enjoy this story and want to see/hear more like it, the best way to do that is to support me financially. The few donations I get usually go right into commissioning art and paying beta readers. (The second best way is to boost the signal on my stories and encourage your friends to support me, too.) Thanks, y’all!
You get more than you bargain for on a date with a witch who makes a truly magical hard cider.
Tagging is the only way I know for people online to be able to opt in or out of a sexual experience with fully informed consent. I welcome help in tagging—please let me know when I have missed anything important.
“By turns sweet, sexy, and intense, this story was cathartic. Clearly it was written in the moment… from a very personal place and very real struggle. The intimacy on display was beautiful.”
I’m proud to share “Do for One,” my entry for the My Heaven October 20 SizeRiot contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts. As this was the final chapter for SizeRiot, a quarterly event that meant so much to me as a writer and size kink enthusiast, I worked especially hard to give it my best effort.
Given the hellacious year we’ve all endured, and the ways trauma can influence our sexuality, I was not able to bring myself to write about my ideal, quintessential size scenario like the contest asked us to. However, I am proud that I did rise to the occasion and craft a love story that “that twinges the heartstrings,” and a size story that makes me “feel less alone.” Thank you, Aborigen, for bringing us all full circle back to our roots, and for encouraging us to find safe havens for our minds, hearts, and bodies, even in a time of fear, grief, and isolation.
As many readers guessed, this story comes from a deeply personal place. Facets of me and both my partners shine through in both characters. Though I changed details, the work is similar to my own career.
And although I do not actually change size like Amy, my mind gives me the sensory input that makes it feel like I am smaller or larger than reality. As with many forms of neurodivergence, some days it’s fine, some days it’s fun, some days it’s awful, and if 2020 was any indication, quarantine definitely makes it harder. If any of this sounds familiar, or if Amy’s experiences speak to you on a personal level, then you can read more about size dysmorphia in my origin story.
If you’re not interested in the neuroscience of sexual brakes and accelerators or why we don’t have sex drives, you can skip to “How to stop stopping: taking your foot (and everything else) off the brake” to learn about why Amy’s catharsis works.
If you’re very low on energy and just want help, go to “Completing the cycle while (ahem) laying in bed” for my recipe on how to use size kink to achieve that catharsis. It’s not a quick fix, but I swear, this is one of the top things that has helped me manage my mental health through the pandemic.
I am thrilled with the artwork I commissioned from TinyBoyToy, a talented artist from the #SizeTwitter community who creates gorgeous queer giant/tiny artwork. (Heads-up, they do sometimes post body horror content on their Patreon.) They are wonderful to work with, please commission them and help them reach 20 patrons so they can keep making amazing art!
Thanks also to the anonymous donor who contributed to my commission fund. I’m so grateful!
Feedback & community response
I appreciate the feedback I received for this story. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.
What did people enjoy most about this story? This section is longer than I usually make it, because at least half of the feedback felt like it might have meaning for others, too. And we could all use more hope and meaning right now. Here’s what the readers had to say.
“A lovely story of partners negotiating kink and size spaces.”
“Beautifully and unforgivingly human characterization… Thoughtful use of visual descriptors manages to be both vivid yet also subdued. One of my favorites of this contest. Very fine work.”
“Fantastic feeling of frustration and being trapped by her own size. The relationship felt entirety natural and I practically felt the frustration as she fought her fury out of her and the relief at the end. An impressive ride of emotion and size entwined.”
“Deeply personal read about a familiar and infuriatingly contemporary struggle.”
“Stories like this bring some hope and light, especially in a time like this. Struggling with what you can and cannot do during the pandemic, how and who we can help, or if we can do anything to take care of ourselves. This is a harsh tale, but also one with hope, telling us the need of letting go, releasing the burden. How it plays with size games, with pressure, with all the tension to fight the negativity and find the ray of hope that keeps us going. All that in this story, so well-written and so intense.”
“Heartbreaking and sexy all at once.”
“My favorite thing about this one is how it resonated with Talmudic concepts of doing good in the world, even though the world seems so big.”
“I enjoy the trope of size being connected to emotional state, and you utilize it here in a meaningful, relatable, visceral, and hopeful (“Do for one”) way. These are real characters with real fears and needs, and this is an amazing piece of fiction.”
“This is a remarkable story about personal release and catharsis through size. I think one of the most beautiful things about this fetish of ours, is that it gives us an avenue to experience being powerful, and powerless. Ways to take, and ways to give. It’s usually difficult to write something that is meant for yourself, and have it encode for anyone else. The message got through this time. The need to fight, when there’s nothing suitable to fight. This story was such a beautiful way to solve that problem, with this gift of size we’ve been given. Thank you.”
“An amazing story, and perhaps one of the first I’ve read involving a definitively non-gendered deuteragonist. Also a look into a world of safe-words. Overall, this piece is a fantastic tale crafted with care and love. I’m better for having read it, and I’ll be returning to it throughout my future; one of the best compliments I can give a work of art.”
“To whoever wrote this story, thank you for writing it. This helped instigate the best cry I had in a while, one I sorely needed, because I didn’t even know I was feeling some of these things. If these experiences are based on real lived ones, please know that you have helped me. Rare is the story that encapsulates that feeling of impotence one feels when one has power—any power—to help and still can’t. Rarer are those that validate the feelings that arise. The rage, the utter, debilitating need to *be* and *not be*, while also acknowledging the little goods, the big goods, the unambiguously valid truth that comes with being hamstrung by a world that seems insistent on ignoring pain. Life imitates art, yet art draws from life and I was still surprised to come upon a story that will likely remain in my consciousness for a while.”
Maybe I didn’t need to share all of that, but I wanted to. Both for myself, as a reminder that in spite of my insecurities, I am actually succeeding at doing what I set out to do—write sexy stories about connection and love and the human experience—and also to acknowledge that we’re all going through a lot right now.
Some folks wrote some really personal, heartfelt things to me after reading this piece. Thank you for reading, and for trusting me.
You’re not alone.
Read the story
AUDIO VERSION: Coming this spring, check back for a 20-minute author-read version
Kinky Scribble installment six! If you’re here for the sexy times, skip to the “read more.” Otherwise, continue below for my update on other writers taking the challenge, and to read my own writerly pep-talk.
Scribble me some kink
A Kinky Scribble is a flash-fiction writing exercise idea I’ve been developing since January 2020, as a tool to break past my anxieties as a writer. Read my past Kinky Scribbles and search the #KinkyScribble tag itself on Twitter. The strategy is to produce creative content in a short amount of time, give it minimal edits, and then release it into the wild for others to enjoy. My goals are to practice my fiction-writing skills, to produce more content while still reconnecting with the parts of writing I enjoy most, and to re-calibrate my sense of when something is “done enough” to share.
I’ve been thrilled to see other creatives joining in! Remember, this isn’t just limited to writing—my original idea was inspired by watching artists I respect share sketches and scribbles in addition to their more polished content. I wished so badly that I could do the same, instead of letting my longer projects collect dust on my drive, getting more and more out-of-step with my current writing style. Kinky Scribbles has been a way for me to emulate those artists, instead of just envying them. I suspect that this kind of strategy could work well for a variety of creative endeavors.
Check out these nine stories from talented writers (in alphabetical order):
Pseudoclever, who was generous enough to volunteer his time to beta-read this particular scribble, frames it like this: “#KinkyScribble is SUCH a good idea when you’re feeling stuck.” As Freepass says, a Kinky Scribble is “an inspiration to ignore your negative voices and just write!”
If you do join in, don’t feel obliged to follow my same format of listing my word count and writing/editing times. It’s really useful to me to re-calibrate my time estimates, and to prove to myself that I can make good content in times that I secretly find so short that they’re cringe-worthy. Each time I do this, I cringe a little less.
And speaking of comfort zones, I strongly encourage all #KinkyScribble creators to tag their content so that readers can opt in or out with fully informed consent. I’m not perfect about this, but practice has been helping, and I’m committed to doing better in the future.
A note about using the hashtag: you’ll find some older posts under #KinkyScribbles, before I began to realize that its drawback as a hashtag is that sometimes you want to use it in a plural way, and others in a singular way. Moving forward, I intend to stick to just singular.
Elle’s writerly pep-talk
This is the first Kinky Scribble I’ve allowed myself to write and finish since mid-February. I forgive myself for struggling. I forgive myself for being human. I’m in fact giving myself a pat on the back for listening to my body and mental health and putting writing on hold for a while as work stress began to eat my brain, and then everything dissolved into the all-consuming terror of a genuine global pandemic. We have to take care of ourselves first.
Creative expression can be part of the healing process, and a fun and healthy way to channel sexuality and process darkness. But creating for the sake of creation at the expense of limited mental and emotional resources, especially during a time of pain, struggle, and fear, seems irresponsibly ableist and capitalist to me. We are worth more than our productivity. In a kink sense, we are worth more than our ability to Dominate or submit to others, worth more than a quick jerkoff session for a stranger, or a friend, or even someone we love. We are human beings first and foremost. So that’s why I forgive myself for taking a break.
And because I’m human, and doing the work on my own mental health, I’m grateful to have these avenues of expression to help me explore my sexuality… to share and celebrate those expressions with others. There are so many reasons I’m grateful for #SizeTwitter, but that may be one of the top reasons on my list today.
And now… to the kink! This particular idea came to me after seeing this tweet from BetterCallSmall, who is running a project of his own called #SizeSongs, to help people discover new size-themed songs each week. The song featured in the tweet, and the music video that goes with it, is an old favorite of mine from the days when I checked Postsecret regularly, and it was a pleasure to rediscover it. I’m looking forward to hearing more.
Wash Your Tinies
(Content includes: Giantess, gender-neutral tiny, nudity on camera for a public YouTube video, soap, water, massage, singing, spanking, illness mention, romantic feelings)
1689 words; 50 minutes writing time; 55 mins editing time (including 45 minutes after a beta read)