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Category: Writing

Size Erotica: Dear Professor, Part 3

I’m pleased to share the climax and conclusion of a story I wrote for my good friend @giant_micro back in January 2020 as a gift. I have revealed it slowly over three parts. Start with “Dear Professor: Part 1” and then enjoy “Dear Professor: Part 2.”

Scroll to the read more if you want to jump right to the story.

Question on BDSM from a fan

A reader reached out to me about “Dear Professor,” curious about the BDSM dynamics and why Ryan would find any of this therapeutic. Wouldn’t it add to his stress?

I thought I might offer my response here for anyone else who shares that curiosity.

The short answer for why it’s therapeutic is the same as how a sub would find it therapeutic to be spanked, flogged, or otherwise consensually abused by a Dom in a BDSM setting.

A BDSM scene is one way to speak the language of the body to prove to your nervous system that you are facing your fears and moving through the stress/painful emotions of your life, that you have survived, that you are safe now. Likewise, the comfort of aftercare is vital to BDSM because it provides that final component for our nervous system to understand that we have fought the lion or outrun it, and made it home to our people safely.

When you deliberately give up your power to someone worthy of your trust, you get to physically explore what it’s like to be powerless within the bounds of a safe space, and prove to your body that you can get through it. You come out on the other side with proof that you can negotiate your boundaries and desires and trust another person to help you survive it. As strange as it sounds, you can earn confidence by choosing an experience like this—it’s a breath of fresh air if you lack agency or control in other parts of your life. Because it’s one thing to understand powerlessness in a philosophical way, and another thing entirely to experience it physically. Viscerally.

(And yes, to me, the act of reading an immersive erotic story counts as a physical experience. The mirror neurons in your brain that activate when you read a story would probably agree. Full disclosure: I have only been lucky enough to experience kink parties in person a handful of times, so most of my first-hand BDSM experience comes from vivid visualizations of erotic size fantasies and role play. Thankfully, the brain and body often cannot tell the difference.)

In this case, Elle in the story is using extreme size difference and her body instead of BDSM toys. Instead of rope, she can rely on the weight of her body to trap Ryan, or the simple elastic tension of her sports bra or leggings to keep his tiny form helpless and at her mercy. Instead of a spanking paddle or leather flogger to help her sub call up emotions like fear or anger, she can prove to Ryan how helpless he is against the landscape of her body—and, as you’ll see in this final chapter—her sex toys.

If you found this interesting, a longer answer is available in my blog post Sexual Brakes, Trauma, & Kink in the Burning 20’s. I cover some of Emily Nagoski’s research on the neuroscience of sexual brakes and accelerators, why we don’t have sex drives, how to use emotions to release stress, and my own recipe on using size kink to achieve that catharsis.

Or you could just, you know, read this extremely kinky thing I created and see what that does for you.

 

Read the story

 

Dear Professor: Part 3

By Elle Largesse

Copyright 2021, all rights reserved.

2741 words

Ryan has fought hard to earn her praise, but how will he face the immensity of her body, her willpower, and her undeniable desire?

This F/m story contains shrinking to sizes under a millimeter, breast play, body exploration, insertion, anal, sex toys, entrapment, falling from a height, domination and submission, humiliation, praise, some mind control elements, and aftercare. There are also hints of fear play and dubcon (dubious consent), and processing emotions like anger and helplessness. Not all themes will be present in all parts. I welcome help in tagging—please let me know if I have missed anything important.

Size Erotica: Dear Professor, Part 2

I’m pleased to share the second part of a story I wrote for my good friend @giant_micro back in January 2020 as a gift. I’m revealing it slowly over three weeks, in three parts. Start with “Dear Professor: Part 1.”

Stay tuned at the end of the story for a special treat from a talented artist in the community!

 

Read the story

 

Dear Professor: Part 2

By Elle Largesse

Copyright 2021, all rights reserved.

2852 words

Ryan works hard to please his massive friend, shrinking in her bra and down her panties while she works out at the gym, but can he do what it takes to satisfy her?

This F/m story contains shrinking to sizes under a millimeter, breast play, body exploration, insertion, anal, sex toys, entrapment, falling from a height, domination and submission, humiliation, praise, some mind control elements, and aftercare. There are also hints of fear play and dubcon (dubious consent), and processing emotions like anger and helplessness. Not all themes will be present in all parts.

Size Erotica: Dear Professor, Part 1

I’m excited to share a story I wrote for my good friend @giant_micro back in January 2020 as a gift. I’m revealing it slowly over three weeks, in three parts. Scroll to the read more if you want to jump right to the story.

“Dear Professor” explores micro sizes, which I define as “under a millimeter,” so if you enjoyed “The Therapist Will See You Now,” odds are good this one could get your heart racing, too.

 

Precious Darkness

This story shows off my darker side, playing with humiliation, dubcon, and other elements of size kink that I fantasize about regularly but don’t include in my writing as often. That’s one reason I used my kink name for the protagonist—she’s not me, but she’s a facet of me. I have heard before that some folks consider me “too nice” to have a dark side.

I love my comforting, nurturing scenes. And I love my darker scenes, too. Both are me. Maybe I don’t go as dark as many in our community. And maybe I go too dark for others. I’m the only one who can know what feels good to me to explore, the only one who can test and learn where my limits are.

To quote Dossie Eastman and Janet Hardy at the end of The Topping Book, which offers strategies on how to travel as safely as possible in “your precious darkness”—

All BDSM play is shadow play — when we play together, we find acceptance for emotions and behaviors that would be unacceptable outside scene space. And we believe that all play is potentially, and potently, healing and growthful. When we venture purposefully into our darkest shadows, we get to write our own script, determine the outcome, validate forbidden and rejected parts of ourselves, reclaim parts of ourselves that we had lost or buried, and find ways to grasp all the parts of ourselves, every single one, in a profound act of self-acceptance through which we may become whole.

 

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Dear Professor: Part I

By Elle Largesse

Copyright 2021, all rights reserved.

3027 words

A professor agrees to a BDSM shrinking scene to work out some stress with a friend, and discovers just how stressful—and sexy—a body can be at micro sizes.

This F/m story contains shrinking to sizes under a millimeter, breast play, body exploration, insertion, anal, sex toys, entrapment, falling from a height, domination and submission, humiliation, praise, some mind control elements, and aftercare. There are also hints of fear play and dubcon (dubious consent), and processing emotions like anger and helplessness. Not all themes will be present in all parts. I welcome help in tagging—please let me know if I have missed anything important.

Size Erotica: Carried Away

(Themes include unexpected growth, building destruction, some physical danger for the Giant and the tiny, a Giant in a tight space, bruises and light injury, breast play, oral sex, vaginal insertion, some feelings, and puns.) Click here if you want to jump right to the story.

 

Sex + humor + size kink

Sometimes you just want to write some funny sex scenes. And sometimes those sex scenes grow into stories in their own right.

I’m pleased to present Carried Away, a 5000-word F/f growth story inspired by @SunnyDLiteNSFW and this tweet:

I’m not quite sure how, but that idea grew into this:

“Right here. Right now. Focus on me and how I feel inside you.” Carrie raised her hips ever so slightly, tightening her muscles in response. They moaned together, heedless of the rubble shifting around them. 

“Oh, God, Meg.” Carrie’s heartbeat was pounding. She accidentally swelled larger, her hands gripping a broken table and a metal filing cabinet so hard that one splintered and the other dented. She rocked her hips slightly, a begging motion, the universal signal for fuck me harder.

They sank into a rhythm, a dangerous, devil-may-care rhythm. She felt like a dragon twined around a castle tower, powerful and sensual. Meg was working magic inside her, like a tiny brave and bewitching sorceress. Carrie moaned into the wind and inched larger from sheer arousal. She should hold still. She knew she should. 

 

Many thanks to @pseudo_size for beta reading and providing edits! It became a much stronger story with your suggestions.

 

 

Support the author

Money is tight right now. I have many works of fiction in progress, ranging from wholesome to kinky as fuck. I’d like to continue releasing them here for free.

If you enjoy this story and want to see/hear more like it, the best way to do that is to support me financially. (The second best way is to boost the signal on my stories and encourage your friends to support me, too.) Thanks, y’all!

 

Insertion—but from whose perspective?

Something occurred to me as I was writing and tinkering with point of view. It’s so rare to see a size kink insertion scene written from the perspective of the person being penetrated.

Anyone like me who’s a fan of insertion is probably familiar with the sensual tropes of a tiny’s POV as they admire, explore, and enter the body of a larger person. For me, when I’m feeling tiny, I get off the thought of being overwhelmed by the power of someone’s body. The incredible intimacy of experiencing your loving partner that way. Or the more intense fantasies that involve helplessness, humiliation, objectification, and darker themes. There’s a lot to like, no matter your interests.

The most common trope features a tiny man inserted into the vagina of a Giantess. Sometimes you’ll see a Giantess and a tiny woman. More rarely, other gender combinations.

Out of curiosity, I went to GiantessWorld.net, pulled up the insertion tag, and kept a tally of how many stories included F/f content. Full disclosure, I got bored of this after about eleven pages of scrolling. But out of roughly 220 stories, I counted about 65 that had F/f, or 29%. The GW tagging system doesn’t offer a category for the POV of the stories, but anyone who’s enjoyed this trope for long knows that most of them center the tiny’s perspective.

It would erase many genders represented in this kink community to say that centering the tiny’s perspective effectively centered the male gaze. But for many years, the people in the world most likely to create and commission kinky content were the ones with extra money and leisure time. So the artwork and erotica skewed towards the cis, straight, male gaze.

(“Male gaze” is a term coined by film critic Laura Mulvey in 1973 that describes the cinematic angle of a heterosexual man on a woman. “Essentially, the male gaze sees the female body as something for the heterosexual male (or patriarchal society as a whole) to watch, conquer, and possess and use to further their goals,” she wrote. Studies show it increases self-objectification and body shame in women. Luckily, careful and mindful application of kink is one way that a person can process feelings like that, but I digress.)

 

Some queer size kink history

Then Tumblr burst onto the scene. And revolutionized women’s sexual exploration and expression online. Especially queer women.

Finding the Giant/tiny size kink community on Tumblr in 2015 changed my life, because I was able to see I wasn’t an outlier as a woman in a space full of men. I was one of many women with this kink, in a space where male-centered content had reason to be vastly over-represented.

Tumblr changed all of that and empowered us to create and share the kinky fantasies that centered other perspectives.

From Elle Magazine’s 2018 article: Tumblr Was A Safe Space For Women To Consume Porn. Now It’s Banning Adult Content.

“With Tumblr, I was able to find and curate my site to my tastes, that’s what made it different,” she said. “I didn’t have to rely on mainstream adult content to tell me what should turn me on. [That] same drive to find sexual content that mirrors our own desires is the reason Tumblr porn was [or] is so popular with many women. The fact is A LOT of women consume and view porn… Less adult content focused on the male gaze and more focused on mutual pleasure and pleasuring — that’s what there needs to be more of and what Tumblr was able to foster.”

“Tumblr is the only website where if you search a tag like #lesbian you’ll get sex education, erotica, fan fiction, porn, coming out stories, and fashion.”

That ability to curate and tag search — Chase calls Tumblr “Pinterest for sex” — was instrumental. Sex could be ruled by sensibility, allowing vulnerable and underprivileged communities to connect and start exchanging real information along with nudes. To this day, the top-reviewed and most-followed porn Tumblrs include not just explicit-content curators, but blogs like Orgasmic Tips for Girls, which teaches women how to masturbate, or xxuntilweod, which mixes relatively vanilla clips of women kissing and holding hands with more graphic images of lesbian sex, letting women explore a whole range of queer intimacy without either sensationalizing or censoring it.

As the article points out, Tumblr banned NSFW content in 2018 thanks to SESTA/FOSTA legislation, and many queer and kink communities scattered to the four winds. Some of us made the jump to Twitter, Discord, or created our own blogs like this one.

I remember the frantic efforts we all made to back up our blogs and writing, which weren’t very successful. It hurts to think of all the content that I technically have, with garbled code, collecting dust in my cloud storage. I can share it here, but it would take a lot of effort to excavate it, and besides, the collaborative environment where those stories came to life are gone. It’s not quite the same.

And on a wider scale, so much was lost, but especially queer femme stories and perspectives. I miss the conversations badly. If I had shared these thoughts and this story on Tumblr, people would reblog it with their own comments, ideas, essays, stories, and it would just grow like this beautiful organic thing. Like a community mural, where people would pass by it from time to time and add more of themselves and their fantasies.

 

You said this was gonna be a funny story. WTF?

I know this is a serious introduction for a fun post. But it was on my mind when I realized the last time I saw an insertion scene from the perspective of a Giantess was on Tumblr.

I can’t even remember who wrote it. Was it one of those slap-dash collaborative efforts, where we built on each others’ work to riff off each other, challenge each other? Was it public roleplay? Or prose? A poem? Was it a simple exploration, a few paragraphs of pleasure? I can’t even recall details enough to ask my fellow alumni from the school of Tumblr sexual expression if they remember what I’m talking about.

The point is, plenty of people in this community don’t identify as male and exclusively tiny. And we deserve to see our own pleasure represented in size kink stories. Because sometimes I want to be overwhelmed—and sometimes I want to be the one who’s overwhelming.

The only solution I can think of is to create more content. Be the porn you want to see in the world!

 

Read the story

 

Carried Away

By Elle Largesse

Copyright 2021, all rights reserved

5084 words

 

Themes include unexpected growth, building destruction, some physical danger for the Giant and the tiny, a Giant in a tight space, bruises and light injury, breast play, oral sex, vaginal insertion, some feelings, and puns.

Size Erotica: A Scarlet R

(This blog post and story include discussion and themes of noncon/rape, revenge, and humiliation.) 

 

I am fiercely proud of this story. I am proud of myself for writing it, and for being brave enough to post it. “A Scarlet R” is far darker than my usual stories, and helped me process some old pain and fury.

It has taken me a year and seven months to publish it because I told myself I wanted art for the story, and I recorded audio as well (that will be released at a later date), but in truth I just did not have it in me to face these demons again with all the struggle of the pandemic. I have compassion for myself on that, and I’m glad I was able to keep going by writing other stories, and by finding ways to better understand how sexuality works under stress.

I’m pleased to say that I’ve turned a corner in life stress for a number of reasons, and I feel ready to release this now. In more ways than one.

 

On the merits of anger

Once upon a time, when I was a college student and young witch going to parties at places like the one that inspired this story’s setting, I used to believe anger had no place in my life. Anger was terrifying, anger was destructive. And anger comes with a far higher social cost for women than for men.

In recent years, I have learned the hard way that anger denied can become depression—and that anger harnessed for a cause can also be vital fuel for change.

Anger is usually at least one of two things: a protection, or a protest. The fury I brought to bear on this story is rooted in both of those forces.

To quote Andrea Gibson:

Every feminist who has ever
taken the high road will tell you
the high road gets backed up
and sometimes you have to
take a detour directly through
the heart of uncensored rage.

 

Commissioned artwork

I am so very excited to release the artwork I commissioned from Hollewdz, a talented artist from the #SizeTwitter community who creates gorgeous sexy size play artwork. I know this is a departure from her usual themes, and I appreciate her understanding, attention to detail, and patience with me. Be sure to click into the images for larger versions!

A woman with blonde hair, grey eyes, and pale skin leans forward over a table while holding a red marker in her hand. On the table is a white canvas on an easel, where a tiny, nude man is taped to the surface. He has grey hair at the temples, pale skin, and his penis is flaccid. The woman is wearing a grey shirt and black pants. The canvas is blank. There is a black marker on the table and in the corners of the image are red brackets like it's being recorded.
Illustration credit to @Hollewdz. Do not repost without permission. Click to see full image. Commission the artist and support her on Patreon at https://twitter.com/hollewdz

 

A woman with blonde hair, grey eyes, and pale skin leans forward over a table while holding a red marker in her hand. On the table is a white canvas on an easel, where a tiny, nude man is taped to the surface. He has grey hair at the temples, pale skin, and his penis is flaccid. The woman is wearing a grey shirt and black pants. The canvas is covered in the words "pig, clown, piece of shit, freak, scum bag, asshole, fucker, cunt, bastard, sicko, creep, loser, idiot, misogynist, trash, and coward." There is a black marker on the table and in the corners of the image are red brackets like it's being recorded.
Illustration credit to @Hollewdz. Do not repost without permission. Click to see full image. Commission the artist and support her on Patreon at https://twitter.com/hollewdz

For the record, she worked quickly and efficiently and was done by last February, and the delay was due to my own struggles to revisit the intense themes of this story (plus the stress of the ice storm that shut down Texas that month). I’m excited to finally be able to share her amazing work! Please commission her the next time her comms are open, and support her on Patreon!

 

Feedback & community response

“A Scarlet R” placed in the following categories in the SizeRiot Cruel January 2020 contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts​:

  • “Had a striking opening line” – 1st place
  • “Got you wrapped up in threatening circumstances” –  3-way tie for 1st place
  • “Featured ‘humiliation’ the best” –  tied for 2nd place
  • “Featured ‘psychological cruelty’ the best”– 5th place

I appreciate the feedback I received for this story. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.

Here’s what the readers had to say:

“One of my favorite stories. I loved the Shakespeare touches, of course. It didn’t really feel like a cruel story, as I related to the female characters, and the righteousness of their actions.”

“A horrifying catharsis. Like avenging banshees… The group dynamic of women exacting justice was delicious.”

“The opening line is especially striking… Evocative, as brilliant as the eponymous scarlet. It’s the starting march to a cavalcade of righteous shaming… In terms of the cruelty themes, I have to say this was a knock out of the park in terms of “humiliation” and “psychological cruelty”… A very good reversal of power there, and one easy to enjoy vicariously.”

“Your language is so vivid and descriptive. This is a true example of poetic justice. That closing line was so powerful… Simply a fantastic story.”

“Holy shit. I’m shaking. I need a cigarette and I don’t smoke… I can’t say enough good things about this piece. I think of anything I’ve ever read in the sizeplay community, this is the highest art I’ve ever seen.”

 

Consent and Support for Survivors

Consent: Beyond the realm of fantasy, I do not condone sex acts without consent. Erotic fantasy play between two individuals in reality in person and online should always include negotiation, fully informed consent, and protections such as content tags, safewords, aftercare, and emergency planning. For more sex resources about safe kink and erotic fantasy play, I recommend The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, both by Dossie Eastman and Janet Hardy. A great resource for exploring consent is the Consent Wizard on Instagram, author of the article Should Enthusiasm Be a Requirement for Sex? 

Noncon fantasy: Nonconsensual fantasies are common among people of all genders, and if your body responds to these fantasies, you are not alone. Having fantasies where sex acts are forced on you or others does not mean you want to act on them in real life, or that you do not understand trauma or lack compassion for survivors of violence. It means your body responds to a fantasy, and you get to decide what you want to do with that information. We are not our thoughts, and we are not our fantasies. Some survivors find healing and liberation through exploration of noncon fantasies, and that’s okay. Some never want to interact with these themes again, and that’s okay too. As long as every real person involved in your fantasy play (such as you reading my story online) is a fully informed consenting adult, then the act you are participating in is inherently consensual. 

Seeking help: If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual harassment, trauma, abuse, or assault, I strongly suggest seeking advice and counseling from trained professionals. Some organizations that offer free resources are: RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) hotline at 800-656-HOPE; National Sexual Violence Resource Center to search for local help; Trans Lifeline Crisis Hotline by and for the transgender community at 877-565-8860; National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

 

Read the story

AUDIO VERSION: Coming soon, check back for a 20-minute author-read version

TEXT VERSION: Read the full story behind the cut.

 

Kinky Scribble: Little Clara

Welcome to my eighth Kinky Scribble, a 2500-word shrunken woman story inspired by @GTSMarsh‘s response to this tweet. Thanks for the writing prompt, Marsh!

I also want to thank @pseudo_size for suggesting the title for this story. “Little Clara” was a great snapshot of what came through in the narrative. Thank you for seeing that and reflecting it back to me.

A Kinky Scribble is a flash-fiction writing exercise idea I’ve been developing since January 2020, as a tool to break past my anxieties as a writer. Read my past Kinky Scribbles and search the #KinkyScribble tag itself on Twitter. 

The strategy is to produce creative content in a short amount of time, give it minimal edits, and then release it into the wild for others to enjoy. My goals are to practice my fiction-writing skills, to produce more content while still reconnecting with the parts of writing I enjoy most, and to re-calibrate my sense of when something is “done enough” to share.

This strategy won’t be for everyone, but it’s helping me to keep writing in a low-stakes way, and sharing stories with others. Otherwise I tend to hang onto my content for a very long time trying to perfect it, and it never sees the light of day. That’s not helpful to me, to my writing, or to my community. Better to share something imperfect, than nothing at all. I’m trying to lean into the Andy Warhol philosophy:

“Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”

Feel free to join in and create your own kinky scribble! Don’t feel obliged to follow my same format of listing my word count and writing/editing times. It’s really useful to me to re-calibrate my time estimates, and to prove to myself that I can make good content in uncomfortably short time frames.

And speaking of comfort zones, I strongly encourage all #KinkyScribble creators to tag their content so that readers can opt in or out with fully informed consent. I’m not perfect about this, but practice has been helping, and I’m committed to doing better in the future.

 

Kinky Scribble: Little Clara

(Content includes: M/f, BDSM, 24/7 Owner/property relationship, public play, smothering, objectification, full-body bukkake, entrapment)

2550 words; roughly 50 minutes writing time, plus over an hour for two rounds of edits & additional writing

Audio version: Free 15-minute author-read audio available here.

Size Erotica: Do for One

“By turns sweet, sexy, and intense, this story was cathartic. Clearly it was written in the moment… from a very personal place and very real struggle. The intimacy on display was beautiful.”

 

I’m proud to share “Do for One,” my entry for the My Heaven October 20 SizeRiot contest, hosted by the hardworking and talented Aborigen-gts​. As this was the final chapter for SizeRiot, a quarterly event that meant so much to me as a writer and size kink enthusiast, I worked especially hard to give it my best effort.

Given the hellacious year we’ve all endured, and the ways trauma can influence our sexuality, I was not able to bring myself to write about my ideal, quintessential size scenario like the contest asked us to. However, I am proud that I did rise to the occasion and craft a love story that “that twinges the heartstrings,” and a size story that makes me “feel less alone.” Thank you, Aborigen, for bringing us all full circle back to our roots, and for encouraging us to find safe havens for our minds, hearts, and bodies, even in a time of fear, grief, and isolation.

 

“Deeply personal”

As many readers guessed, this story comes from a deeply personal place. Facets of me and both my partners shine through in both characters. Though I changed details, the work is similar to my own career.

And although I do not actually change size like Amy, my mind gives me the sensory input that makes it feel like I am smaller or larger than reality. As with many forms of neurodivergence, some days it’s fine, some days it’s fun, some days it’s awful, and if 2020 was any indication, quarantine definitely makes it harder. If any of this sounds familiar, or if Amy’s experiences speak to you on a personal level, then you can read more about size dysmorphia in my origin story.

 

Do try this at home

If you feel an emotional release from this scene and are wondering if you could re-create Amy’s catharsis at home, I’m going to encourage you to read the article I wrote in July, Sexual Brakes, Trauma, & Kink in the Burning 20s.

If you’re not interested in the neuroscience of sexual brakes and accelerators or why we don’t have sex drives, you can skip to “How to stop stopping: taking your foot (and everything else) off the brake” to learn about why Amy’s catharsis works.

If you’re very low on energy and just want help, go to “Completing the cycle while (ahem) laying in bed” for my recipe on how to use size kink to achieve that catharsis. It’s not a quick fix, but I swear, this is one of the top things that has helped me manage my mental health through the pandemic.

 

Commissioned artwork

I am thrilled with the artwork I commissioned from TinyBoyToy, a talented artist from the #SizeTwitter community who creates gorgeous queer giant/tiny artwork. (Heads-up, they do sometimes post body horror content on their Patreon.) They are wonderful to work with, please commission them and help them reach 20 patrons so they can keep making amazing art!

Thanks also to the anonymous donor who contributed to my commission fund. I’m so grateful!

Illustration of a tiny nude person under the hand of a much larger person. The tiny is crying and holding their finger. The large person is visible, watching them. Around the frame are illustrations of paper, tech, headphones, and other items you'd find on a crowded desk.
Illustration credit to @TinyBoyToy. Do not repost without permission. Click to see full image. Commission the artist and support them on Patreon at https://twitter.com/tinyboytoy

Feedback & community response

I appreciate the feedback I received for this story. As always, I’m deeply grateful to my beta readers and everyone who read my work and reviewed it.

What did people enjoy most about this story? This section is longer than I usually make it, because at least half of the feedback felt like it might have meaning for others, too. And we could all use more hope and meaning right now. Here’s what the readers had to say.

“A lovely story of partners negotiating kink and size spaces.”

“Beautifully and unforgivingly human characterization… Thoughtful use of visual descriptors manages to be both vivid yet also subdued. One of my favorites of this contest. Very fine work.”

“Fantastic feeling of frustration and being trapped by her own size. The relationship felt entirety natural and I practically felt the frustration as she fought her fury out of her and the relief at the end. An impressive ride of emotion and size entwined.”

“Deeply personal read about a familiar and infuriatingly contemporary struggle.”

“Stories like this bring some hope and light, especially in a time like this. Struggling with what you can and cannot do during the pandemic, how and who we can help, or if we can do anything to take care of ourselves. This is a harsh tale, but also one with hope, telling us the need of letting go, releasing the burden. How it plays with size games, with pressure, with all the tension to fight the negativity and find the ray of hope that keeps us going. All that in this story, so well-written and so intense.”

“Heartbreaking and sexy all at once.”

“My favorite thing about this one is how it resonated with Talmudic concepts of doing good in the world, even though the world seems so big.”

“I enjoy the trope of size being connected to emotional state, and you utilize it here in a meaningful, relatable, visceral, and hopeful (“Do for one”) way. These are real characters with real fears and needs, and this is an amazing piece of fiction.”

“This is a remarkable story about personal release and catharsis through size. I think one of the most beautiful things about this fetish of ours, is that it gives us an avenue to experience being powerful, and powerless. Ways to take, and ways to give. It’s usually difficult to write something that is meant for yourself, and have it encode for anyone else. The message got through this time. The need to fight, when there’s nothing suitable to fight. This story was such a beautiful way to solve that problem, with this gift of size we’ve been given. Thank you.”

“An amazing story, and perhaps one of the first I’ve read involving a definitively non-gendered deuteragonist. Also a look into a world of safe-words. Overall, this piece is a fantastic tale crafted with care and love. I’m better for having read it, and I’ll be returning to it throughout my future; one of the best compliments I can give a work of art.”

“To whoever wrote this story, thank you for writing it. This helped instigate the best cry I had in a while, one I sorely needed, because I didn’t even know I was feeling some of these things. If these experiences are based on real lived ones, please know that you have helped me. Rare is the story that encapsulates that feeling of impotence one feels when one has power—any power—to help and still can’t. Rarer are those that validate the feelings that arise. The rage, the utter, debilitating need to *be* and *not be*, while also acknowledging the little goods, the big goods, the unambiguously valid truth that comes with being hamstrung by a world that seems insistent on ignoring pain. Life imitates art, yet art draws from life and I was still surprised to come upon a story that will likely remain in my consciousness for a while.”

Maybe I didn’t need to share all of that, but I wanted to. Both for myself, as a reminder that in spite of my insecurities, I am actually succeeding at doing what I set out to do—write sexy stories about connection and love and the human experience—and also to acknowledge that we’re all going through a lot right now.

Some folks wrote some really personal, heartfelt things to me after reading this piece. Thank you for reading, and for trusting me.

You’re not alone.

 

Read the story

AUDIO VERSION: Coming this spring, check back for a 20-minute author-read version

TEXT VERSION: Read the full story behind the cut.

Kinky Scribble: What Happens Next

Person holding a red pomelo fruit. Two fingers are pushed inside suggestively.
Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash, shared with a Creative Commons License.

 

Kinky Scribble installment seven! If you’re here for the sexy times, skip to the “read more.” Otherwise, continue below for an update on my inspiration for this story, why this is my first scribble in six months, and my hypothesis for why the sexy words finally, finally came. (Pun intended.)

Update! This story now has author-read audio. Enjoy~

 

Inspiration & Responsive vs Spontaneous Sexual Desire

On the surface, my inspiration for this story would seem to originate with this tweet and this tweet. If you ask to go deeper (please, deeper, harder) then I will share with you that the inspiration came from one of my first roleplay sessions with the talented @pseudo_size, a fellow polyamorous kink writer who has brought much inspiration to my life this year. You can read more of his work here, including a fantastic dark noncon commission he did for me in July. This weekend when I found myself fantasizing about two of the characters from that first February session, I messaged him privately to explore the concept, and he was very obliging with his response. It left me thirsty for more, in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.

(Content warning for discussion of mental health.) My regular readers know that I’ve been struggling with trauma and a decreased desire for sex a lot this year. I won’t go into that in detail here, but I have learned a lot about the concept of sexual brakes and sexual accelerators, and how arousal works in relation to stress and mental health. My blog post Sexual Brakes, Trauma, & Kink in the Burning 20’s explores how I have used size kink in stress cycle exercises to release stress, fight depression, and find my way back to arousal.

Even with all that hard work and experimentation, in the last six months I have found my own turn-ons to be rooted firmly in responsive desire—when your brain only gets turned on when something sexy is already happening—and in my case, it’s mostly in contexts with people I trust a great deal, like my partners. Pre-pandemic, finding my turn-on for writing erotica was as easy as turning a faucet, most days. Spontaneous and fun. But in the last half year, the faucet has required some creative encouragement to function at all. For example, trying to find my turn-on for a sex scene in SizeRiot’s HistoricalJuly20 contest required patience, tremendous effort, and a lot of trial and error. It was a mental puzzle, not a physical inspiration.

So how the hell did I wake up Saturday morning spontaneously fantasizing about sex? After so long, how on earth did I finally feel inspired enough to dash off 1600 words of sensually charged erotica? With no deadline, no contest, no context of a loving partner hoping for my next kiss or my next paragraph?

I’ve only experienced spontaneous sexual desire a few times during the pandemic, and each time came directly after some stressor in my life resolved itself. The work crisis ended with a lucky break. The estranged family member answered my messages. I finally asked for help about something that had me burned out. Within 12-24 hours, each time I found myself experiencing wave after wave of spontaneous arousal. It was as if my body took a deep breath and said, “FINALLY! It’s safe enough for sexy times. Release the arousal!” 

A door in my mind opened and erotica came flooding out. 

When I shared the story with Pseudo afterward, I blushed hard at his response. “You really turned a quick few sentences about this concept from me into one of the sexiest pieces of size writing I’ve ever read.”

 

Kinky Scribble recipe & reasoning

A Kinky Scribble is a flash-fiction writing exercise idea I’ve been developing since January 2020, as a tool to break past my anxieties as a writer. Read my past Kinky Scribbles and search the #KinkyScribble tag itself on Twitter. 

The strategy is to produce creative content in a short amount of time, give it minimal edits, and then release it into the wild for others to enjoy. My goals are to practice my fiction-writing skills, to produce more content while still reconnecting with the parts of writing I enjoy most, and to re-calibrate my sense of when something is “done enough” to share.

Feel free to join in! Don’t feel obliged to follow my same format of listing my word count and writing/editing times. It’s really useful to me to re-calibrate my time estimates, and to prove to myself that I can make good content in uncomfortably short time frames.

And speaking of comfort zones, I strongly encourage all #KinkyScribble creators to tag their content so that readers can opt in or out with fully informed consent. I’m not perfect about this, but practice has been helping, and I’m committed to doing better in the future.

 

Kinky Scribble: What Happens Next

(Content includes: F/M/f, Giantess, male Giant, growth, shrinking, worship, threesome, cunnilingus, face sitting, teasing, begging, nonverbal, PIV sex, worship, cock riding, off-screen insertion, polyamory, ethical nonmonogamy)

1657 words; 1.5 hours writing time, 20 minutes of editing in two rounds

 

Read the story

TEXT VERSION: Read the text version of the story behind the cut.

AUDIO VERSION: Please enjoy this free 15-minute author-read audio file.

 

Sexual Brakes, Trauma, & Kink in the Burning 20’s

 

Tl;Dr: It’s okay if your brain and body want sex when you are stressed. It’s okay if they want it less. Both are normal—even during a pandemic and an uprising. There’s science to prove it. Research also shows that big feelings (like fear of getting sick, or anger at injustice) can be processed and released before they do lasting harm to you or your life. I share excerpts from Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are and two others to show how we might be able to use kink to do the same thing. 

This article is around 11200 words. If you’re not interested in the neuroscience of sexual brakes and accelerators or why we don’t have sex drives, you can skip to “How to stop stopping: taking your foot (and everything else) off the brake” to learn about using emotions to release stress. If you’re very low on energy and just want help, jump to “Completing the cycle while (ahem) laying in bed” for my recipe on how to use size kink to achieve that catharsis.

(Content tags: This article contains mentions of the pandemic, police brutality, racism, violence, murder, assault, AIDS, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and trauma responses. It also covers topics ranging from BDSM and impact play, to polyamory, to microphilia/macrophilia, and covers size dysmorphia and kink-related fantasies. I welcome help in tagging—please let me know when I have missed anything important.)

Sections in this article

Introduction

I didn’t expect that it would take a pandemic and a racial justice uprising for me to finally sit down and write a review about a phenomenal book on sex research for my kink blog. Here’s the reason I hope you’ll read this. People are having huge emotional responses that they don’t have the space or tools to fully process; they are also judging others/feeling ashamed for not wanting sex right now, while others are having the same response to those who do want sex right now. Research shows sex desire can decrease for some and increase for others during times of great stress, and that both are normal and healthy. Sex-positive spaces like #SizeTwitter should make space for both responses, and might already be able to provide tools to help process big emotions.

Kinky Scribble: Wash Your Tinies

Kinky Scribble installment six! If you’re here for the sexy times, skip to the “read more.” Otherwise, continue below for my update on other writers taking the challenge, and to read my own writerly pep-talk.

 

Scribble me some kink

A Kinky Scribble is a flash-fiction writing exercise idea I’ve been developing since January 2020, as a tool to break past my anxieties as a writer. Read my past Kinky Scribbles and search the #KinkyScribble tag itself on Twitter. The strategy is to produce creative content in a short amount of time, give it minimal edits, and then release it into the wild for others to enjoy. My goals are to practice my fiction-writing skills, to produce more content while still reconnecting with the parts of writing I enjoy most, and to re-calibrate my sense of when something is “done enough” to share.

I’ve been thrilled to see other creatives joining in! Remember, this isn’t just limited to writingmy original idea was inspired by watching artists I respect share sketches and scribbles in addition to their more polished content. I wished so badly that I could do the same, instead of letting my longer projects collect dust on my drive, getting more and more out-of-step with my current writing style. Kinky Scribbles has been a way for me to emulate those artists, instead of just envying them. I suspect that this kind of strategy could work well for a variety of creative endeavors.

Check out these nine stories from talented writers (in alphabetical order):

Pseudoclever, who was generous enough to volunteer his time to beta-read this particular scribble, frames it like this: “#KinkyScribble is SUCH a good idea when you’re feeling stuck.” As Freepass says, a Kinky Scribble is “an inspiration to ignore your negative voices and just write!”

If you do join in, don’t feel obliged to follow my same format of listing my word count and writing/editing times. It’s really useful to me to re-calibrate my time estimates, and to prove to myself that I can make good content in times that I secretly find so short that they’re cringe-worthy. Each time I do this, I cringe a little less.

And speaking of comfort zones, I strongly encourage all #KinkyScribble creators to tag their content so that readers can opt in or out with fully informed consent. I’m not perfect about this, but practice has been helping, and I’m committed to doing better in the future.

A note about using the hashtag: you’ll find some older posts under #KinkyScribbles, before I began to realize that its drawback as a hashtag is that sometimes you want to use it in a plural way, and others in a singular way. Moving forward, I intend to stick to just singular.

 

Elle’s writerly pep-talk

This is the first Kinky Scribble I’ve allowed myself to write and finish since mid-February. I forgive myself for struggling. I forgive myself for being human. I’m in fact giving myself a pat on the back for listening to my body and mental health and putting writing on hold for a while as work stress began to eat my brain, and then everything dissolved into the all-consuming terror of a genuine global pandemic. We have to take care of ourselves first.

Creative expression can be part of the healing process, and a fun and healthy way to channel sexuality and process darkness. But creating for the sake of creation at the expense of limited mental and emotional resources, especially during a time of pain, struggle, and fear, seems irresponsibly ableist and capitalist to me. We are worth more than our productivity. In a kink sense, we are worth more than our ability to Dominate or submit to others, worth more than a quick jerkoff session for a stranger, or a friend, or even someone we love. We are human beings first and foremost. So that’s why I forgive myself for taking a break.

And because I’m human, and doing the work on my own mental health, I’m grateful to have these avenues of expression to help me explore my sexuality… to share and celebrate those expressions with others. There are so many reasons I’m grateful for #SizeTwitter, but that may be one of the top reasons on my list today.

And now… to the kink! This particular idea came to me after seeing this tweet from BetterCallSmall, who is running a project of his own called #SizeSongs, to help people discover new size-themed songs each week. The song featured in the tweet, and the music video that goes with it, is an old favorite of mine from the days when I checked Postsecret regularly, and it was a pleasure to rediscover it. I’m looking forward to hearing more.

 

Wash Your Tinies

(Content includes: F/x, Giantess, gender-neutral tiny, nudity on camera for a public YouTube video, soap, water, massage, singing, spanking, illness and pandemic discussion, gentle, romantic feelings. Second person POV, with a genderless You.)

1689 words; 50 minutes writing time; 55 mins editing time (including 45 minutes after a beta read)